a prayer

the cry of my heart.

the odd hours

       via: dellaorrey.tumblr.com                                   

I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done.

~ Elisabeth Elliot

who among the gods is like you, LORD?

Being a Christian doesn’t mean being a good person, but following the Only One who is good.

So stumble after him. Don’t think you have to run this marathon in one day. 

Sooner or later, you’ll be moving from trauma to trophies. Celebrate the small victories. 
Even then, be humble to recognize it’s all His work.

~ J.S. Park

the latest: rib update (that you're probably sick of hearing about)

turns out it's not a bruised rib.

i caved and went to the ER after work today.

i'm still experiencing ongoing discomfort and pain so i wanted to get things straightened out.

doc says it looks like a "subluxed rib at the sternal junction". (uh, okay...)

possibilities of a fracture as well but she couldn't confirm from the x-ray.

either way treatment is pretty much what i've already been doing.

ibuprofen and more rest.

siiighhh...

fine,

whatever.

sort of a neat story though-

i told the doctor that the injury was likely from rolling in jiu jitsu; which lead to her asking where i trained.

i told her DCS and then she gently bragged that she also takes jiu jitsu but at Gracie Barra.

hah! so rad.

we discussed how we're both fairly new to the sport and how injuries are a lot more common when not really knowing what one is doing; which is certainly true... but that we love jits nonetheless.

as i said thank you and good bye, she replied with "see you in the future... hopefully in a tournament".

i turned, chuckled and sort of said under my breath, "haha, eeeyeahh", and walked off.

all in all, i'm thankful that there's nothing too serious going on.

i'm also trying to seek a more positive outlook on the whole 'resting' rule.

i have a ton more time on my hands to do things that i was neglecting while on my training rampage.

like getting my laundry done at a decent hour, cooking/baking, going for walks, rekindling my creative side, meeting up with friends, getting a little shopping in (oopsie)... and so on.

mannnn, sometimes i'm just way too quick to whine and complain about situations before trying to seek out the blessings. 

they're there somewhere.

patience, child. 

it's good stuff

turn my eyes from worthless things; 

and give me life through your word.

~ Psalm 119:37

i've been taking some time off from training due to a bruised rib.

apparently this type of injury can take a month - possibly longer - to fully heal.

generally, i'm not one to step away when injured - i'd rather push through it at a steady pace.

but this time i strongly sensed that my body would not heal unless i gave it the proper treatment.

which meant: rest.

kickboxing, and recently having started up jiu jitsu, has been my everyday afterwork routine for the last 6 months. 

i was going 5-6 days a week.

since the injury i have not been to the gym to train in nearly 2 weeks; 

which is the longest amount i've spent away from the gym since joining.

it's been tough and challenging and there are certain moments where i feel like i'm going to crack and utterly lose it. especially the days that i feel like the pain is easing and i'm making progress, to wake up to another day feeling like i'm back to square one. 

and sure, it may come off a tad dramatic. 

but understand, this has essentially been my life the past few months. 

however, in all this, The Lord has been teaching me self-control, patience, humility...

even revealing various idols in my life. 

for instance, the thought of gaining weight has certainly entered my mind.

as well, i am a gal who loves to eat. 

and we all know how to equate food + no exercise...

this is where humility comes in.

a staff member at Westside referred 1 Timothy 4:8 to me, 

"For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." 

which then lead to experiencing a burning desire to spend more time with Jesus; in the Word, prayer, through artistic forms of worship in writing and singing... even blogging again.

thank you, Lord.

i'd been praying for more time with God and to experience more of Him in my life after feeling like i was going through a dry spell for some time.

and so this was a huge answer to prayer - in a seemingly unexpected way.

i freakin' love it when God works blessings into trials.

and while the Lord is gradually revealing areas in my life that need attention i am still finding myself pushing against the emotional struggles that have been tugging at my heart. 

truthfully, i have a 'natural' ability to hold my composure around others when hurting.

but there is a lot that goes on behind closed doors - for many of us.

i have been fighting my own battles the last little while.

however, i am constantly being reminded that i am not alone in my afflictions...

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (Deuteronomy 31:8)

when one thing goes wrong, and after some degree of my practicing of patience, He reveals something even more grand than i could ever have imagined.

like, it's super ridiculous but in the most remarkable way. 

so currently this is where i'm at...

learning lots. still struggling, but trusting in the Lord. 

it's good stuff.